~  M a g g i e  ~

      _     ___  .---  .  .       __---_  .--.   .--.   .--.    ___
     /_\   '---, |     |  |   ==     |   |    | |    | |    |  '---,
    /   \\  ===' '===  || ||         ||  '====' '====' ||   ||  ==='


Some short 'funnies', courtesy of the lame imagination and uninspired
ascii-drawing skills of CiH. Weak jokes are (mostly) original at least.
========================================================================
 .----- ---- ------ ---- ---- .
| Mr and Mrs Sith?             |
: Yes we seem to get a lot of  :
| couples with that name!      :
'----   --------- --- --- ----'                             ,@   @,
     \ /                                                   ,@@   @@,
   .--._                                                  @@@@, ,@@@@
  / < 0 '-.__/\                      __..__              @@@@@@,@@@@@@
 /        '___/                    .'  :   '.            @@@,@@@@@,@@@
/  /   .-_--'                     /|'[_)(_]'|\            @@@  *  @@@
\/_\   '.___,                    / \  //\\  / \           (:'<> <>':)
|  \    /    \                  (__','====','__)           [  /'\  ]
|   \_ /   |\ \               . _/|  _______ |\_            ) -o- (
'__________|_\_\________     (      .______.     )       _."'.__.' "._
                        |    |     |=  oO  |     \      /             )
 Alderaan               |    :  |  |=  Oo  |  |\  \    / / (  )(  ) | |
 Regency Hotel          :    |  '  '__ __ _'  ' \  \  / / )        (' :
 Reception              |    |  |   |     |   |  \  \/ / .' .:C!H:.'. |
                        |  <('  : ___----____'  <( \  )> (===<[]>===) '>

In the Star Wars Universe,sexual morality was surprisingly conservative.
========================================================================

    ..Before 1977..

 __--------------------------____
:   Rule Mintannia,               :
|    Mintannia rules the waves!   |
'--_____________   __________-----'
                \/                                 __________________
      ______ ______________ ________________      :  Moar Opium and  :
   .'.   /\/\ i n t   | /\/\ p e r i a l s  '.   <   gunboats!       |
  (   ) ---- ===== ---- ==== ---- ==== ----  .)   :__________________:
   '.'_______________ ______________________'
                          /\
                ____-----'  '-----____
               : Baggsy me Australia! :
                '--------------------'

    ..After 1977..

                 _____---------------------____
                :   Inform Lord Vader that     :
                |   the rebel scum are heading |
                |   for the shuttle bay!       |
                '---________   ___________-----'
                            \/
     ______ ______________ ________________        ___----------____
   .'.   /\/\ i n t   | /\/\ p e r i a l s  '.    : There they are! :
  (   ) ---- ===== ---- ==== ---- ==== ----  .)  <  Cut them off!   |
   '.'_______________ ______________________'     :________________:

                   PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW!
                      AAAGHH! (etc)                         .:C!H:.

=======================================================================

        ______________          __----- ----- -------_______
       /            / )       | Oh noes! My Amazon order   |
      /            /  |       | is on the Deliverance van! |
     /            /   |       '-------_________   ______---'
    .-----------./   _______________            \/
   /_____________\ /| Squeal like a '             .''''''.
_ |: { }         :| |  piggy boy!   |  _________ (@)   ::: _____
  |:/___\________:|//_______________'           /_   }   :
  |( )""""''"""( )|   /  /                       '>)     /
  '[]  """-"""  []' /   /                         (_  _ '
  \===============/   Ominous Banjo music!         ' __| _
  (++(        (++( )  /    =======                /  /    )
   ""          ""    /     |_    |_        _\ __ /  /     |
                    /      |_)   |_)      |__|____/       | .:C!H:.
                                                 |       '

========================================================================
 (borrowed from Private Eye Magazine.)
  ____---_---__,
 '  ____---___  \
/  /     '    \  \                                     ?!?!?!
|  \   @   @ '   (       .\               .------------------------.
\   (_   /\  )    :     / /\              | \         .--__---_
 )    \_     |    \    / /  \             |   \     .'_--__---_/|
(      )VVVVV)   /    / / \  \            |     \   [  @) (@  ]/'
 \     '-..--'   |   / /   \ \            |       \  )  /_   ( /)
 /       ||      \_ / /     \ \           |         '. <===> ' /
 '                     \     \/           '          '._____'/
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\    |         /    .   \
MWHAHAH! - YOUR TIME HAS COME MORTAL! /   |        / /|  .   |\
                                      \   |       / / |  .   | \
-This visitation has been recorded for/   :    ' /_/  |  .   | /
  training purposes..                |    |     ///   '------'
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/    |           |======|
 |                                        |           |==||==|

========================================================================
                  .----------------------------------------.
                 /  My smartphone's gone into FLIGHTY MODE! \
                 \__________________________________________/
   .,--------------,.
   |    Lamsung     |\
   |_______==_______||     ------ ------ ------- ----
   |________________||    | I've only known you for  |
   |_____Gurgle_____|'    | five minutes, but let us |
   |                || ---  run away to get married! '
   |                || ---  Oh, no, actually, I've   |
   |                ||    | changed my mind. Ha ha!  |
   |                ||    ' Where shall I go, what   '
   |  _    _    _   |:    | shall I do?              |
   | |M|  |I|  |B|  ||    '------- -------- ------ --'
   |________________||
   |      [__]      ||
   ',_______________,/                                       .:C!H:.

========================================================================
                                       ,-----------------------------,
 ,_________________________,          ( Yes it was M, but next time,   )
( So the undercover mission )         (  don't send me into a hospital )
( was successful then, Bond?)         (  disguised as a junior doctor. )
 '_______  ________________'          (  They made me work a 20 hour   )
         | |                          (  shift!        _______________'
     _-- ---_                          '-------  ,....
   (''   '''')                                  /'''''\
   {-(_] [_)-}                                {  <> <> }
    \  _\   /                                  ( . _\  )
    |_ <_-> |                                  '\_ <>-/|
 ,__ '-___-' \__,                          ,__ \ '---'  \__,
|   \ /  \/     |                         /    \/'>_<'\/    \
|     | + |  \  |                        |       | .  |  |\  \
|  |  | + |  |  |                        |   |   | .  |  | \  \
|  |  | + |  |  |                        |   |   | .  |  |  \  \/
|  |  |   |  |  |     .:C!H:.            |   |    \  /   |   \/ \
'__'--'   '--'--                         '___'_____|_____'    \/
========================================================================
    { I spotted this one as part of an actual address at work! }
     ==========================================================
                   (  ( ,  )        )
                   (,____ ___)--,))__ )
         .-------.   \\\\\\\\
        /   .    /\    \\,----- ----- ----- ---- ---,
_____. /   .    /  \_____:  I, GENGIS BARN           :___---__---__
      /   .    /  / \    |  Will lead my unstoppable |
     .--------. /   /\   :  hordes of loyal Mongol   :
    //========\\   /  \ /   warriors to lay waste    |
   //===[__]===\\ /   / --  to all of Asia!          :
  // ========== \\  / |   :---- ---- ----- ----- ----,
 //||||||||||||||\\/  |         ()() /)
  ||||   :    |||| |  |        ()()()/ )
  ||||   :    |||| | /        ()()()()/
_'|||| __'__  ||||-/                            .:C!H:.
     /       /
    /       /

========================================================================
 --_---_-__--_
  A message   :           |~
  to ISIS      |         /|\    ,---- ------------ ------------ -----,
  from Paris!  ;        |-.-|  : Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a  :
 _--_--_--_-_-'         '-:-'  : silly person! I blow my nose at you, :
                         [|]   ; so called Islamic State! I fart in   ;
                         [|] /   your general direction! Your mother  :
                         [|] \   was a hamster and your father        :
                         [|]   ; smelt of elderberries! Now go away   ;
                         [|]   : or I shall taunt you a second time!  :
                        .[|].   '-------- ----------- --------- ---- '
                        :/|\:
                        [/|\]
                        [/|\]
                      .:_*|*_:.
                      |_ '_' _]
                      /\:_._:/\
                     /\|_[|]_|/\
 _-_-____-___--,-  _/\|~ [|] ~|/\_  --_--;--___,-__-.-_
                   [''=_.[|]._='']
                   :-._   |   _.-:
                   //\;::-:-::;/\\
                  /\.'-\\/|\//-'./\           (with apologies to
                .'\/'   :\|/:   '\/'.          Steve Maddison,
              .//\('    [\|/]    ')/\\.        the original artist
             '':][\.'  .[\|/].  './][:''       of the awesome 3D
                 ''    :/\|/\:    ''           Eiffel Tower and
                      .[\/|\/].                Monty Python and
                        '.|.'                  the Holy Grail.)
  .:C!H:.                 '
========================================================================