Alternative Party 2011

Some parties are more equal than others!

20.10. Friday the 21st October.

And here we are comrades, broadcasting the glorious Sovietistic facts of Alternative party, from within the heart of the Red Machine!

It is I, Commissar CiH writing of the victories that have happened already, and of the triumphs still to come.

I am typing this report on crapitalistic Microserf software (BOOH!) But it has been courageously turned into proletarian machine of the common purpose (HOORAY!)

And I'm now going to put the whole cod-Soviet mood on hold for a while and take a look around.

21.46

This story, like so many others, starts in the bourgeois wilderness of Cambridgeshire. A movement upstairs in the Felician dacha forces consciousness to the top of Comrade CiH's agenda. He checks the time, 04.22hrs! Reluctantly shrugging off the grim prospect of a Siberian style winter immediately outside of his comfortable bedding area, he does the forcing oneself awake thing.

There is no vodka for breakfast available, just a cup of tea.

Departure is accomplished shortly before 05.00hrs in Comrade Ricardo 'Felice' Spowartski's Zil limousine, or Vauxhall Astra disguised to look like same anyway. Felice removes a step-ladder and says this is part of his vehicle being cleared of the tools of honest proletarian endeavour to make room for our decadent demo party and travelling accoutrements. However loading into vehicle reveals that many of tools in fact got left behind in vehicle and these will be travelling with us shortly. Some misinformed western sources describe this as "crapski in car boot." Still, it was not as if we were having to accommodate refugee family from the Caucasian Mountains in there, so we set off for flying aerodrome codenamed 'Heathrow' and arrived in good time.

To speed our travel, we were kept company with many varied sounds coming from the loudspeakers of 'Absolute Eighties' propaganda broadcast radio. Adam and the Antskayas kicking off with their little known hit "WAKE UP! WAKE UPPPP!! WAAAAKE UUUUPPP!!!" Well that's what it sounded like to my ears. Objective eavesdropping might reveal that the song was actually called "Ant Music".

Arrival at capitalist aerial port of commerce Heathrow follows at around 07.00hrs. We decide to carry out a little light espionage for our departure times to the soon to be returned to the motherland province of Helsinki. We opt for stringent KGB-style security checks, with Comrade Felice volunteering for second dose of random body scanning, as they term it, or partial frying of molecules in abortive teleportation experiment as our mole in Heathrow revealed later. Still, apart from a degree of light singeing around the eyebrows and small but disturbing variations from normal speech patterns, no harm really done. Overall I mark the experience down. The security staff were far too courteous in their service and there was hardly any queue to speak of! Disgraceful behaviour!

We await for over-fulfilment of airside terminal restaurant's breakfast production quota and are once more disappointed by the end result. The sausages were real, with no trace of cardboard. Other ingredients appear to have originated from inside of animal too and not chemical laboratory of mighty Soviet industry. We boggle at excess of frivolous consumer goods on sale in the decadent nation of England at the Heathrow terminal 3 shopping experience and reflect that their lack of heavy industry for sole benefit of armed forces will surely give them cause for regret in the future.

Still, no time to reflect, as we board the aircraft of loyal satellite operator, Finnair. Loyal I said, what are you doing with that petrol bomb by the way random Finnish comrade?! Put it down, no don't throw it like that AAAGGH!

(Long agonised pause to put out flames and for general reconstructive surgery.)

We are treated to new sensation from the flight, namely camera's eye view from the front of the aircraft where camera is taken from vital work of watching dissident's family and projects moving images in the style of great director Eisenstein onto screens above our seats. This is taken as computer generated simulation at first by Comrade CiH, but soon the kopek drops and we settle down to enjoy the pilot's eye view of our departure. We are treated to the same thing for the landing as well, with nervous passengers shying away in their seats, hands over their eyes screaming "We're coming into too fast and low, the approach angle's all wrong!" and similar things. (They don't - Regaining sense of perspective editor.) The landing is amazingly smooth, we don't realise we have touched down on the sacred soil of the motherland until the thrust reversers kick in.

Our departure from Vantaa airport is delayed by a masterly display of maskirova tactics by the airport authorities. There are several baggage reclaim areas and several chances to pick the wrong one, which we do! An over-helpful airport employee directs us to the magic shortcut to enable us to get to the correct place in the blink of an eye! We retrieve our bags gratefully. His name has been taken, but not for praise! I'll be passing his details to Comrade Beria in the morning!

A cramtastic number 615 workers bus takes us through a rush-hour jammed roadway to Helsinki central. We meet with Comrade Q-Funk, our Canadian sleeper agent, who is wide-awake and with his partner. This is the third year he has been seen with the same woman who is agent Henna! (Note to director of KGB honey-trap operations, the female entrapment method will not work for him anymore!) We briefly explore the possibility of encouraging revolution in Nepal via a restaurant specialising in Gurkha strength curries, but wisely give that one up when the food starts scarring our tongues.

To bring things right up to date, we submitted to Alternative Party red machine onerous registration procedures. Clearly these people were not notified of our arrival to enable party member only fast-tracking system. Still, I admire them for their diligence and correct observance of due processes and authority otherwise.

Time to pause awhile before I turn into Stalin!

00.33 - Saturday

We've just listened to Swedish revolutionary noisemakers Covenant.

It has been a reminder of Front 242 and other epical producers of Soviet industrial noise. Truly the five year plan for deafness has been exceeded! Covenant Comrades have provided a most satisfactory musical experience in line with demands of Socialistic realism. However, they have been reported for possible structural damage to valuable factory building.

Time for bed shortly. I'll hit this again later.

13.09

We've slept the sleep of socialist heroes in the den of capitalist hoteliery, the Holiday Inn. Their fiendish plot to delay the revolution with devilishly comfortable beds almost succeeded. We pulled away from their tar-like embrace, just in time. Breakfast was taken care of with a sandwich named after the American version of collectivist underground workers mass-transit system. We have been admiring the output of collective farms at local food redistributer and stocking up on essential supplies of anti-freeze disguised as drinking alcohol for post-party sauna relaxation. This cost us many ration tokens, sometimes known as 'Euro's' in the local argot.

Comrades, our reporting system has been amiss in trumpeting achievements of Red Machine Alt party to uncomprehending capitalist world. We must remedy this omission immediately!

Conforming clothing items are on sale in the form of t-shirts with this years party theme. The Soviet state marches upwards!

In the Hackerspace area, our fearless hackers from the Tampere region have crafted a response to decadent western video games such as Operation Wolf and Raid over Moscow with 'AK47'. or 'Wiishooter'. Story about first versions with a real AK47 with magazine clip left in accidentally and gun set to discharge at full auto, are nothing more than foul rumours spread by saboteurs and disgruntled relatives and can be disregarded. We have re-met with Comrade Pahartik who is working closely with these fine people.

We have huge collection of Soviet memorabilia here on show at Red Machine, badges, Hero Janitor of the Soviet Union awards, Lenin by numbers paintings and all.

Soviet era merchandising on display.

We have found Hackerspace comrade with disruptive to central planning plastic 3D printer, We do not recall any production quota being set for deformed plastic hobbits and Daleks without the exterminating arm gun, so he has been denounced! And just when we thought we had assassinated the leaders of the 'Rep-Rap' faction hiding out in Mexico!

We have been hearing the results of spontaneous centrally planned arts and music, especially Soviet uses for advanced western technology such as 'Chip-tunes'.

There have been comments made of 'Chernobyl reactor simulator' being exhibited at Red Machine. This is not correct. We have brought in a real control panel from Soviet type nuclear reactor for on-the-job training. We need to replace nuclear workers who have been prematurely retired due to redeployment reasons. These people have taken up vital civic duties as street lighting, due to their newly induced glowing green properties!

17.47

Comrades, we have been absent from this cybernetic word recording terminal for the past few hours for a small number of happenings.

Firstly, Alt Party Red Machine Politburo had important meeting which Comrades CiH and Felice were tasked to attend. This debated a no less portentous issue than the very future of Alt Party, with or without the Red Machine itself! A lot of debate and talk ensues, unfortunately none of it vodka fuelled. The Red Machine in its present form will be dismantled! However, to offset that news, it has been agreed that the Alt movement itself will carry on and progress the revolution into new and exciting forms over the coming months and years. A possible refresh of the current Central Committee might be needed. Generally, this meeting ended on a positive note, with no disparaging comments subsequently picked up on eavesdropping equipment.

Having spent some time on the vital business of state, hungry comrades gather at a nearby pizza and kebab establishment for meeting consumption quotas for meaty pizzas, which we do. Now we're back.

We have had the pleasurable reacquaintance of Comrade Professor Jeriovich Ellsworthskaya, head of the C64 DTV OKB. She is researching new individual small-scale transportation system for workers benefit codenamed 'Roller Skates'. If this catches on, then we could have the biggest transport revolution in the Red Machine since comrades worked out it was better wearing their socks inside their boots and not out!

Comrade Professor Jeriovich Ellsworthskaya!

Later on this evening, we have competitions, but not in capitalistic setting man against man in beastlike fashion competition. These will be communistic competitions, where the glories of victory are shared amongst all!

18.44

Graphics Compo with many pleasing images of the Motherland has taken place. We have a number of carefully controlled spontaneous happenings taking place over the evening. We have further competitions such as wild and demonstrations. All demonstrations which do not have a party permit will be suppressed strongly! There is also a talk from English bourgeoise mathematician Dr James Grime concerning the fascist Enigma machine and attempts to break its code. Those who dare to hurt the Rodina will suffer! Another music act with hidden agenda, Ural 13 *Diktators will appear on stage. This needs to be considered most carefully?

Someone gave me an Enigma. It came wrapped in a riddle!

News just in, Comrade Nosfe has been sighted! He is fresh from his actions combating counterrevolutionary elements hiding out in the inside of several vodka bottles!

20.32

Academian James Grimes shared many fascinating insights into the coding and cypher world with us tonight. Fortunately not disclosing any techniques used by our KGB service and STASI allies. I also have a photograph which I will treasure and refuse to be airbrushed from, that of myself in close proximity to a ghostly Jeriovich Ellsworth. A fine woman, almost worth forgetting my party oath for!

The abysmal wild compo follows. It has a noisy theme with a memorable entry from Comrade Nosfe and others too, including premature disclosure of some of top secret Soviet seagull rescue technology from 1984!

23.11

It's been a busy past few hours safeguarding the Red Machine,

The 'Free Music' competition entries were all shot trying to cross controlled border space. That is a shame as there were some nice ones. I also encountered Comrade Ellsworth having mobility troubles with her new transport method 'Roller Skates'. It looked like she was trying to evade our surveillance attentions? Hmmm? The Mozilla demo competition winners were shown to an awestruck proletariat. Now that's what this comrade calls hardcore coding, getting demo effects from a piece of Italian cheese!

I have been capturing film clips with my Soviet issue Nokiya phone camera for later analysis and secret police action, should that be needed.

Now the Ural 13 Diktators are performing, Their act is a pleasing rendition of the techno style with a Soviet industrial twist. At this rate, they could be overtopping Eduard 'Trolololo man' Khil in socialist democratic musical popularity?

The Red Machine GOSPLAN has announced that the demo competitions will follow Ural 13 Diktators. Riot issue batons will be twirling in anticipation of these so-called 'demonstrations'!

Comrade CiH will fix the shit misspellings littered throughout this text when he doesn't have to type in the dark anymore! What has happened to lighting electricity quotients for this region?

And in further good news, the central committee has let it be known that there will be an afterparty sauna party taking place tomorrow evening. Best towel and pull your stomach in comrades!

Sunday - 02.51!!

Naked flesh on display in Red Machine striptease reminiscent of after hours scene at higher rank officers brothel. Not that upstanding party member Comrade CiH would have intimate knowledge of such things!

There were some demo competitions that got in there beforehand as well. The votes are being cast by the democratic socialist mandate of the people. The losers will be sent to Siberia in the morning.

Some comrades managed to concentrate on their alternative platform mandate with gratifying results, such as Brightpast demo on the not at all invented elsewhere in Britain by Clive Sinclair ZX Spektrum Pentagon Soviet media hardware. Others opted to display their best on North Korean Super Kimtendo Klone Konsole. One comrade, in a spirit of heroic improvisation managed to code a demo on a completely self-made platform out of T-34 parts, even as Tankograd faktory was coming under heavy gunfire from hitlerite forces. Well that's what he told us anyway. There were even attempts to get the communist message across on such overtly capitalist hardware as the Apple Mac and iPhone, which will be applauded and sung about by the people,

Unfortunately, the Menshevik menace, Jumulata were also present, three times in the competitions. Harsh questioning as to why this happened will be following shortly.

I will be reviewing my phonecam footage in due course for signs of defeatism and weakness to the Soviet cause, but also for the usual eclectic blend of high art and low humour, both of which are to be found in ample supply at the Alt Party Red Machine, This party has been a blast of the locally developed and recently deployed atomic weapons kind!

Well we're getting late and it will be time to draw a (red) line under what has been a very long and, for this comrade, a very eventful day.

Dosvedanya Comrades!

11.57 If I said I love you, would you still denounce me?

Switching to.... Straight man mode!

Okay, we've had another late night, or early morning, getting back to the hotel sometime around 04.00hrs. We tumbled into bed with the finality of an executed prisoner slumping down dead in the deep level Lubyanka basements, just missing the gunshot to the back of the head. Struggled awake, those beds really are too damn comfortable and hied down to the main hall, which is still simmering gently in a very low key fashion at the moment.

We're due an after-party later, for which there is not too much detail and a different location from last year. This part of the report in the quiet downtime hours of the party generally gets my thoughts on the overallness of the thing. This year is no exception.

Things I liked about this year's Alt Party..

There was a good strong theme which percolated all the way into me writing this report. A Soviet theme was actually fun to do, as long as it didn't get completely out of hand with antifreeze vodka drunk at the bar, boiled cabbage soup served at the cafe and so on. The meme was very enthusiastically acted and played along with by everyone connected with the party. I wonder if Finland's close proximity to Russia helped with the rich variety of costumery and headgear on display, all of it the real thing.

In one way, the Soviet theme strangely suited the pared down feel of the party in some areas. There has been a definite sense of cutbacks compared with previous years. Perhaps the loss of some sponsors had an effect? Visitor numbers held up but there were not so many side exhibits.

However, the quality of those who did attend made up for the loss of some. We enjoyed a great Soviet art exhibition. Where else would you find out just how many Lenin-themed alarm clocks were unleashed on an unsuspecting world by Soviet central planning? The Helsinki hackers team spent the whole weekend carefully rebuilding their Chernobyl simulator, including authentic looking control panels. Apart from the odd mushroom cloud witnessed yesterday, I wonder if they got it to work in the end? The special guest count was on the low side, but James Grime, mildly channelling Matt Smith's version of Dr Who did a stonkingly grand talk on the Enigma code machine. The 'after session' including a lot of detail that he didn't have time for in the main talk.

The live music acts were both of a high standard, with Covenant on the Friday night definitely bringing back memories of Front 242 from 2008.

Another side effect of the ongoing economic crisis could have been the relatively low international visitor count this time around. For the demoscene, a rival event, the TRSAC party in Denmark took away two or three people who otherwise would have taken part here. I hope that Truck and Topy44 enjoyed their weekend. However, it was still pleasant to re-meet Haomaru and some of the other Dutch guys from Sunrise/Outline. As for past glories reminded, there was definitely a spring in everyone's step with the inspiring and very mobile Ms Jeri Ellsworth back in town!

Of course, most of the usual Finnish suspects were all present and pleased to see us, and we were pleased to see them again.We should be catching up some more at the after-party. I hope the future direction of Alt Party will keep as many of these guys on board as possible because it will be a shame to lose contact. I'm mentioning the name of Pahartik, who hasn't got into this report to any great extent, but has been present in the Hackerspace area and accompanied us to last night's pizza attack.

Moving to a more scene specific perspective. There was nothing doing from an Atarian perspective. We did see the return of Wiztom and he even indulged in some coding activity on the same routine he's been working since 2005! The occasional VCS 2600 code mangler, Visy, released a very funny and different demo on a more mainstream platform. There were no Dead Hackers in town this time. I assume that people will be saving up their releases for the forthcoming Siliventure party in Poland due a little under three weeks from now. I wasn't surprised about this absence, or concerned in any way.

From a personal point of view, we have managed our time in Finland more efficiently this time around, with a tight arrival time on Friday to be followed by a reasonable departure time on Monday, shaving a day off our overall costs. We have re-used the Holiday Inn facilities but managed to combine the cost with a flight for an overall cheaper experience than last year. In and out of party comfort levels have been good, without too much out of body fatigue. Judgement has still to be reserved on what happens at the after-party and it will be documented here! Those of you who remember what happened last year might be interested to know that I managed to purchase a travel card successfully this time around from the airport, but have not made too much use of it as yet.

If anything, perhaps it's an added spice from the fact that this is the last Alt party in this style at this location, the time has gone by almost too quickly with no sensation of any part of the two days dragging. I've even struggled to find the time to sit down with this report, as there has been some activity or other going on. The party has felt more tightly organised this year, with more going on and no real gaps to speak of.

It is the end of Alt Party in its 2007 rebirthed format. There has been some discussion of the future direction already. To some extent, the party was already going into the 'bazaar' mode suggested in the seminar. Within the walls of Kaapeli, the casual observer would have seen several different mini-parties within the overall Alt Party structure in action and doing their thing. What was being proposed would just formalise that. There have been some other ideas which could literally take Alt Party around the world, but these are still at a very early stage of formation.

One thing I would not personally like would be to go so far out of some people's comfort zone, that we lose touch permanently. I am talking about a lot of people who have been associated with Alt since the early days. Perhaps a two track approach could work, with a combination of innovative Finland-based events and some blockbuster parties breaking new ground overseas? At least compared with the 2005 party where it seemed it really was THE END! with a caps lock sense of finality , I am happy that something else will be reborn from the ashes in a strong and positive fashion.

I feel a slight whiff of poignancy from the whole 'end of an era' vibe, but we have been here before. And we won't let Alt die! After the realtime.

Quite a long time in fact, I really should not leave these things until 2012 to finish as we're struggling with a few vague scraps of memory.

Sunday evening.

The prize giving and the winding down process follow their inevitable paths. At this point, plans for the after party become known. This is to retire to a drastically different locale, namely a private sauna located near to Kristoffer 'Setok' Lawson's Dacha in the leafy suburbs of Espoo. Helpfully, transport there is to be provided with Setok's famous 'Travelling Salesman' Landrover, after it has finished a few prior logistical tasks first.

Q-Funk and his lady friend Henna, who constantly amazes by remaining on the scene for three years now turn up at Kaapeli with sauna towels and hopeful expressions. A hazy memory also includes Haomaru and Dotwaffle in the waiting around zone. The latter didn't get into the Russki section of my report, possibly because he was too capitalistic? Pahartik was definitely on the party list and waited patiently with the rest.

Time limps on, the party dismantling reaching the overhead lighting rigs, removing concrete pillars and such. A perpetually distracted Setok feels able to finally leave the cleaning up crew to their terminal processes and announces a departure. Some time later still, that departure happens.

The famous 'Travelling Salesman Landrover', that trekked epically across the frozen hinterlands of Scandinavia can seat up to seven passengers. It is not mentioned that pre-screening is needed to ensure that the seven passengers are the recommended seven eighteenth century circus midgets that are compatible with comfortable travel. It is at this point that I discover that having things like legs and bulk aren't really too helpful in the back of this vehicle. Never mind, it is free travel, and blood circulation to the limbs does come back after a while.

Following a pit-stop for beer and suggestively named crispy snacks, we arrive at a damp and misty woody hilly spot, sort of a Finnish implementation of Middle Earth and admire the eerily lit Setok residence. We are taken to a nearby low building which contains the sauna and a chilly kitchen and sitting area. The latter is taken care of by a magical transforming wood burning stove, once the Finnish fire-starters, with their fore-knowledge of demo bonfire ignition get on the case. Pretty soon, the chilly room is transformed. Various items of food and drink are unloaded in the kitchen and the makings of a reasonable after-party ensue.

There was one little problem where it seemed that there might not be any actual sauna taking place due to a re-wiring of the control panel. An attempted 'hack' proves unsuccessful, but a more considered approach with the official documentation does the trick. There will be a sauna tonight.

The sauna is mixed, the female component (Henna!) is nicely featured and there is plenty of food and drink, especially the latter. Apart from Felice's wine-based contribution and my attempts to forge new links of friendship between Scotland and Finland, a large bottle of vodka had made it too and there was a sea of beer.

The rest of the evening passes in a not-unpleasant blur of music, drinking, friendly conversation and downing solid slugs of vodka in unison with Henna. To her credit she remained upright and didn't change colour too much!

There is even a second attempt at sauna-ing, very late on, when other people are just starting to look at their watches and wonder about getting back. As we are a long way from any public transport, both in terms of time and distance, a taxi is summoned. It arrives, proves happily capable of taking back everyone who was still left at the party and drops us back at the Holiday Inn.

Sleep ensues.

There isn't too much more to add. A relatively early departure time gave us sufficient time to rise in a reasonable time frame, check out of the hotel, tracking downtown and to the airport. Whilst carefully selecting one of the less expensive breakfasting options at the airport, we encounter Haomaru or was it Dotwaffle (damn my leaving things for too long tendencies!) for the last time on this visit, and spend the remaining time until departure in the laptop docking area with him, making good use of the free wi-fi facilities thereof. Comrade Felice was casually showing off his newly acquired Macbook Pro.

The flight went as it should, with the required impact-free happy ending. I don't even recall any special hurdles getting out of a rush hour hyperactive Heathrow airport and London in general. The journey ends where it started, back in the bourgeois wilderness of Cambridgeshire where Comrade Paula, the spouse of Comrade Felice is able to feed us a very nice meal indeed.

So there is just one question remaining, will we see Kaapeli again?

CiH - Oct 2011 - Feb 2012. For Mag!

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